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Living with Grief

Written by Karen Gibbs

Living With Grief: Learning how to Survive a Significant Loss….

When Christina  Grimmie was killed in a senseless act of violence my heart immediately went out to her parents. One of the hardest things we’ll ever experience is the loss of someone—or something—dear to us. Grieving is a normal and natural response to this loss. While death is one of the most common losses, grief also comes with other big and small life changes, such as a serious illness, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, relocating to an unfamiliar city, or other lifestyle changes.

Even if you aren’t currently grieving, it can be beneficial to think about the grief process. At its core, grief is a part of the experience of being alive…and human. And while grief isn’t pleasant, it can give us insight, compassion and strength that we wouldn’t otherwise have found.

Here are some ways to access those greater qualities, survive a significant loss or help someone experiencing grief.
1. Expect a process.

In stark contrast to how frequently TV characters talk about “getting closure,” in reality, grief is an ongoing experience. The goal of grieving isn’t to “get to the bottom of it” or to stop feeling a certain way. Instead, it’s a process of learning to live with your emotions every day and every moment. Even years later, reminders like a special day or the smell of a favorite meal may trigger a fresh wave of memories and feelings linked to the loss.
2. Acknowledge the loss.
“When a person is born we rejoice, and when they’re married we jubilate,” wrote Margaret Mead, “but when they die we try to pretend nothing has happened.” If someone in your life is grieving, do your best to acknowledge that something has happened. Avoid clichés. Don’t force a conversation if the person isn’t ready to talk. While it may feel awkward, a simple gesture like a hug or sitting together in silence can have meaning. An offer to help with a household task, such as running errands or making a meal, can also go a long way.
3. Do the grief work.
In our fast-paced world, we tend to expect things to be quick, direct and convenient. Living with grief isn’t any of these things. There is no “one-size-fits-all” solution, no series of steps to make it hurt less, no magical approach that shortens the time it takes to heal. Instead, living with grief requires us to feel our feelings, fully and completely. In the words of poet Emily Dickinson: “The best way out is through.”
4. Ask for help.
Lean on your support system. If you’re not sure how to ask for help, “I’m having a hard time…” is a good way to start. If you need help beyond what your friends and family can provide, seek the support of a grief group as well as your counselor or therapist.

As with any process, it takes time to learn new skills and ways to cope with grief. Be gentle with yourself as you experience strong feelings. That kindness toward yourself can be the important first step toward a broader healing that will have ramifications after the grief has subsided.

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About the author

Karen Gibbs

Karen lives in Queensland, Australia and lives her life motivating and inspiring others through her writings and blog posts. She takes great pleasure in writing, creating and designing these posts each day.
Karen published her first book, Scrapbook Creations, in 2002 and won the Sunshine Coast Excellence in Business award for her business of the same name. After a lengthy break due to family illness Karen is now putting her writing and creative skills into her passion of making a difference in the lives of others. Karen gains much inspiration from lessons learned while spending time outdoors with her horse JayLuka.
You can follow Karen’s writings at https://www.goodreads.com/KarenGibbs
or see her inspirational quotes at either of her facebook pages
https://www.facebook.com/OurDailyBibleVerse
https://www.facebook.com/SarcasticSweetness